Losing My Religion
A few questions. The nagging doubts. Inconsistencies> and abuses. Before long, the painful truth is undeniable. You’ve lost faith.
What happened and where’d it go? And maybe most importantly, how do you get it back?
We’ll journey together through our shared stories of faithlost and hope reborn as we dialogue about Losing My Religion.
Join the Conversation
1. Tell us about a time when your faith was shaken.
2. What helped you rediscover the beauty and truth of God’s presence in your life?
3. How can we help those who doubt?
While I was in college and after I graduated, I dealt a lot with not knowing what the crap Christianity was really all supposed to be about. I had went to a college and had a spiritual background that elicted a lot of ritual or at least a lot of legalism, but at the time, I was ok with it. The legalism was comforting to me because it was what ‘set me apart’ in high school. It was my way to ‘live in the world but not of the world.’
But when I went to a college that built its whole foundation on that specific way of life, I began to see that the legalism wasn’t Jesus; it wasn’t faith. And I arrived at the fact that my brand of being set apart was often not up to par with what everyone else’s expectations of what that meant. I was in a room full of legalism that i previously promoted, but I was the one on the outside. I was the one they wanted to convert.
And that made me begin to see that this peddled lifestyle I was once involved in was doing really more harm than good. It wasn’t bring anyone to Jesus. It was just setting up this way of life to conform to. And this really made be begin to question what I was believing about faith, and God and everything–were the things I felt apart of salvation really just another set in the “Christianization” of culture and not finding grace in God’s truth?
I wanted more of faith, of God, than being satisfied with raising my hands with everyone else and publicly not going to see R rated movies. It wasn’t enough. And I guess that’s where I am still today. I hope the pursuit for more, the pursuit to see God’s grace and truth in new and different ways will deem me a good and faithful servant. I know at least, it’s more fun than legalism.
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I was raised in a Christian home, went to church on Wednesdays and twice on Sundays. Like Jessica, my Christianity was full of rituals and legalism. But unlike Jessica I didn’t go to a Christian college. When I went off to college, I met students who were “Christians.” They had their Bible on their book shelves and went to church on Sundays. But what I saw in their everyday life (or every weekend) was not what I would call “Christian.” (I am not indicating here that I was the ideal Christian and perfect all the time.) I didn’t want to think that I was ‘better’ than them, but I knew that somehow I was different. What was it that made me different? Was it my denomination? Was it my rituals (Bible reading, church attendance, prayer before bed)? While in college, I went to several different denominations for Sunday services to see what everyone else was about. And what I found was that God was there every time. No matter the church, he was sitting right beside me. My relationship with God wasn’t determined by my denomination, or the rituals a church has put into place (no R movies, don’t cut your hair, no drinking, no smoking, etc). It was determined by God and me.
Now, I don’t think that all rituals are all together bad. I think they do provide some comfort and sometimes they help us set some boundaries for staying where God wants us to be. But when they take your focus off of your relationship with God, when staying within those boundaries defines your relationship with God, you may need to abandon them.
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@jessica I had a similar experience at the bible college i went to–except it kinda went both ways. When people weren’t trying to get me onto the “straight and narrow”, I got busy trying to prove to them how uptight they were. Lots of time was wasted trying to convert people to my ideas and my “religion” that could have been used to show people the beauty of Jesus. Just jesus.
@amanda do agree that rituals can be both bad and good–two edged sword. Baptism, Communion, Worship are all rituals that we hold on too. What rituals were most beneficial to your spiritual life?
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I think that worship is probably the most beneficial to me. But I also believe that it is a key element to my intimacy with God and a huge part of our relationship.
I think that church attendance on sunday mornings is ritualistic as well, but also super important in my own spiritual life. I need the camaraderi of others who are spritually like minded as well as the times of teaching in order for my relationship with God to grow.
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I also had a similar upbringing to Jessica and Amanda. I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, attended church 3 times a week plus activities, worked in a Christian office, and attended a Christian college. After all of that was over, I entered the “real” world. At times, I was shocked at people’s lack of desire to be good or better, but at times, I was surprised by the people I met with sincere relationships with God (and they even attended churches that were a part of another denomination! Is that possible?) It was at this point that I was actually forced to learn what I really believed and show it in a way that did not put others off to Jesus.
I have always had ideas in my mind of what it means to be a Christian. Sometimes, that included the legalistic ideas that Amanda and Jessica spoke of. When I was actually faced with being hurt by people who were part of my Christian bubble, I found that I was drawn to the people who became the hands and feet of Jesus in the flesh. I found that what hurting people need is love. They need someone to care about the chaos in their life. They don’t need someone to tell them what they are doing is wrong or that Jesus will make it all better.
My idea of what it means to be a Christian has definately changed since I have been able to see the other side of things and be the one truly hurting. If we can share the love of Jesus, we will be meeting the needs of others.
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@Ryan I definitely think fellowship is an essential part of my relationship with God. After going to school throughout the week and being around these people that aren’t on the same page let alone the same book as me can bring me to a spiritual low. So, being in a place that I can connect with people on that level gives me motivation to stay true to Jesus and gets me energized for the rest of the week. If I didn’t have a church home to come home to, I’d be lost.
Also, when Ryan was talking about how weird religion can be and we can have those weird superstitions I thought of an instance at my old church. At First Baptist we had a very active youth group and the rest of the church supported us but we were some what separated from ‘big people church’ as we called it. Anyway, we painted our youth group black and had neon colored accents everywhere so it’d look all nifty under black lights. People at our church haaaaaaaaated it. Someone said ‘the devil has gotten a foothold in our church’ all because of the color of the walls. But as I looked around several people at the church had black bible holders, did that make what’s inside any less holy?
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” If I didn’t have a church home to come home to, I’d be lost.”
This is probably one of the coolest things anyone has ever said.
And so is this: “But as I looked around several people at the church had black bible holders, did that make what’s inside any less holy?”
When did you get to be so awesome, Chloie??
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A time when my faith was shaken… high school. It has been the most insane experience. The stress from it all really effects my relationship with God. I feel like I have always had this expectation from everyone around me that I am supposed to be a “super Christian.” Trying to keep up that persona and have a social life is horrible. I felt like I couldn’t be a good Christian and be a regular teenager. I realized that for most of my life I was playing into a role.. I was just being who everyone thought I should be. I felt like I was searching for God, but I was just searching for everyone else’s idea of God – and I was happy to oblige if I thought it would make people happy.
God’s presence never left my life. I just finally started being present in my own life. It’s still hard, but I am trying to let God and my own decisions control my life and not the expectations of other people.
I believe that there are a lot of different types of doubters. Some people doubt God because of something that has or has not happened, they have never been told about God and don’t understand what Jesus is all about, some people look to science for all the universes answers, etc.. Why people doubt can be various, but I think it will bring them comfort to know that the strongest of believers have at one point or another doubted their faith.
Doubt does not make us weak. Doubt reveals to us the distrust we have within our souls. For whatever reason we don’t trust, we can take what has been revealed to us and use it to make us stronger.
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@chloie “I looked around several people at the church had black bible holders, did that make what’s inside any less holy?” Awesomest. Comment. Ever.
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